Every day is such a roller coaster. I have an interview next week. There’s feelings of excitement, dread, stress, and sometimes little pieces of confidence. I’ve got this. I can do this. I know my shit, I just have to express it clearly and hope my personality connects with theirs.

I woke up this morning because of an immense feeling of dread in a tight pit in my stomach. It’s the worst feeling. I prefer being numb over this. Took double my anxiety meds to calm my body down. GAD is horrible. It feels terrible to just have this overwhelming feeling of dread and hopelessness grab ahold of you and you feel like you have none of your mental shit together to make it through life. I literally curled up in a ball on my couch waiting for my medication to start working before I could start thinking a little more clear and trying to convince myself that I don’t need to dread every single day in my future and I just need to breathe. I need to stay in the moment. There is no sense in feeling so much anxiety over things that haven’t happened yet, or may not even happen. I’m going to be okay. I’m going to be okay. I’m going to be okay.

I have to be okay.

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there are some days where i can’t get home fast enough to put on my PJs, crank up the AC, pop open a beer and watch (consistently crappy) baseball. today was one of those.

 

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