There’s so many little stressful and unfortunate things happening and they’ve begun to pile up together and I’ve emotionally shut down. My coping mechanism of becoming numb is to the brink. I’m in hibernation mode when it comes to feelings. I smile and say the right things outwardly and get my work done, and function as a person generally should, but on the inside, I’m just like “what-the-fuck-ever I don’t fucking care, someone give me a damn lobotomy”. I’m really stressed and it’s wreaking havoc on me, mentally and physically. And then when I stop to acknowledge how stressed and anxious I am, I start to get into panic mode and I start to feel like I may not be able to breathe.

2017 (and most of 2016) has just been such a thick sludge of shit. Honestly the only truly fun amazing and soul-energizing moment from this year has been my escape to New York.

Overwhelmed. I am overwhelmed in so many ways about so many things.

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Trying to figure out how it’s possible that I am able to feel totally alive in some moments and totally detached in other moments, and sometimes even neurotically feel both within the same breath. Defensively embracing life?

Someday I will be able to accept compliments without feeling uncomfortable and thinking that the person complimenting me either has no idea what they’re talking about or is just trying to be nice or doesn’t really mean it.

That someday may however be when I’m just a jar of ashes.

 

this show and this OTP will never get old. #allthefeels #dontfrostthepie #aliasmarathon

Perhaps, the problem is not the intensity of your love, but the quality of the people you are loving.

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