Trying to figure out how it’s possible that I am able to feel totally alive in some moments and totally detached in other moments, and sometimes even neurotically feel both within the same breath. Defensively embracing life?
“You don’t get to control everything. You can wake up at 5 a.m. every day until you’re tired and broken, but if the words or the painting or the ideas don’t want to come to fruition, they won’t. You can show up every day to your best intentions, but if it’s not the time, it’s just not the fucking time. You need to give yourself permission to be a human being.
Sometimes the novel is not ready to be written because you haven’t met the inspiration for your main character yet. Sometimes you need two more years of life experience before you can make your masterpiece into something that will feel real and true and raw to other people.
Sometimes you’re not falling in love because whatever you need to know about yourself is only knowable through solitude. Sometimes you haven’t met your next collaborator. Sometimes your sadness encircles you because, one day, it will be the opus upon which you build your life.”
It’s easy to feel uncared for when people aren’t able to communicate and connect with you in the way you need. And it’s so hard not to internalize that silence as a reflection on your worth.
But the truth is that the way other people operate is not about you. Most people are so caught up in their own responsibilities, struggles, and anxiety that the thought of asking someone else how they’re doing doesn’t even cross their mind. They aren’t inherently bad or uncaring — they’re just busy and self-focused.
And that’s okay. It’s not evidence of some fundamental failing on your part. It doesn’t make you un-loveable or invisible. It just means that those people aren’t very good at looking beyond their own world. But the fact that you are — that despite the darkness you feel, you have the ability to share your love and light with others — is a strength.
Your work isn’t to change who you are; it’s to find people who are able to give you the connection you need.
Because despite what you feel,
you are not too much.
You are not too sensitive or too needy.
You are thoughtful and empathetic.
You are compassionate and kind.
And with or without anyone’s acknowledgment or affection,
you are enough.
|— Daniell Koepke|